Why we talk behind other people's backs?

 Why do we talk behind other people’s backs?

 

Most of us are really cowards. We may claim to have physical strength and a lot of power but mentally we are really weak. Don’t feel offended yet, I am still trying to come to the point. Let’s say for example , you discovered that I am a drunkard who wastes all his money on booze at the local bars and also squander a lot of cash paying a couple of ladies to have coitus with them. And now you are my so-called friend or acquaintance or a colleague, what would be your first reaction?

Trust me , for many people, the first thing to do is to laugh out loud and quickly run to their friend’s house and gossip about the whole day. Most folks will never like come to you and address your weakness. I guess in a population of 100 people, only 0.0001% will come to you and try to help you. The rest will only talk behind your back and make a joke of the week.

The easiest thing many people do when they figure out another person’s weakness is to tell other people about it rather than telling the person who has the problem. Astonishingly, this is a common thing, even grown up adults do it, teenagers do it everyday. But to be frank, talking behind other people’s backs fucks up most of our relationships. It is the root of all anxieties and mental health problems in most of our relationships. It is even the cause of most breakups.

I find it very simple, if someone has a problem, you tell him  and help him find a solution to it. It’s a piece of cake right.Obviously it is easier said than done. Yet many people feel like they will be taken to prison for simply telling you that something is not right. Hell! You wont be taken to gaol lady. Nothing will happen to you boss. Simply tel the person whats not okay and then the issue will be addressed.

I think the reason why we talk behind other people’s backs is because we are insecure. And another reason could be that we strive to derive pleasure from other people’s bad circumstances hence we endeavor to publicize them. More-so,  It could also be that we are afraid of being honest. We don’t want to confront the truth most of the times because its scary and painful. We are therefore afraid that other people will think we are bad people. And another thing is that feeling of superiority you feel when another person has a problem that you don’t have. So gossiping about it makes you yourself feel special and the other person trash.

But we are fools when we think it only happens to others. It happens to everybody. And everything has happened before like Marcus Aurelius has said. So it can happen to you or to your kids as well.  The same circumstance that the other person is with currently dealing with, might be the same circumstance you will be dealing with two years from now.

So instead of being afraid to tell the person, you need to know that talking behind their back is ten times more harmful than telling them directly. If someone has a problem , the first person you should tell is that person with the problem, not somebody else. So lets stop being cowards and stop gossiping behind other people’s backs. Tell the person, they wont hate you bro, as long as you are polite and you are willing to help them then it wont be a big deal. Stop it please and promise yourself not to talk behind other people’s backs anymore. 

The five societies of life

 There are five societies of life. These are basically five groups into which every person can be classified into according to their character and habitual actions. These societies are, the insecure society, the remorseless society, the wandering society, the meaningful society and the correctional society.

The insecure society, these people have no confidence in themselves and they spend most of their time looking for validation and approval from other people. They often doubt themselves as a result, they become anxious in their reckonings. They often think other people don’t understand them hence they are always afraid to say or do what they want to do. They are really insecure about everything going on in their lives. These folks often compare themselves to other people and sometimes they compete in silence.

The remorseless society, is a society that does not care at all. They have no pity or mercy for other human beings. They do whatever they want without considering other people’s feelings. They spend most of their time fighting, stealing and engaging in dishonest activities. These people have no remorse at all. They insult, kill and injure other people. All in all, they intentionally cause other people to suffer.

The wandering society is composed of people who spend time seeking for pleasure or fun. They feel bored most of the time unless given something to do by another person. These people indulge in activities like moving from one drinking pub to the next each and every day, surfing online social platforms almost each and every hour and engaging in endless gossip chats. They lack purpose and are haunted by their inner emptiness. All they do is wander around, going wherever other people are going. They do things simply because others are doing them. This society lacks intentionality.

The meaningful society is the purposeful society. These people are aware of the meaning of life. They spend time doing things that benefit everyone. They solve problems. These people only care about what is important to mankind. They don’t mind about what other people think of them. They have daily routines and their actions are always intentional. They are confident. They have values and do things the way they fancy.

Lastly, the correctional society is made up of people with chronic problems and as a result most of the time, are separated from the rest of the world. These include people with long term prison sentences and patients with chronic conditions. These people spend most of their time alone, contemplating about their problems or being cared for so that they can live a normal life again. This society is composed of people who spend most of their lifetime at correctional institutions like prisons, hospitals and rehabilitation centers.

These societies of life teach us that, it is us, ourselves that sometimes make life complicated. Our character will determine our destiny and the meaningful society is best among all these societies. So in short lets gravitate towards meaningful actions, beliefs and plans that benefit everyone and we will have better problems. In this classification of people into different societies we also learn that if we live life with a purpose and focus on the present we will find life worth living.

Lets help unconditionally

 

Why human beauty is an illusion

 

Why beauty is an illusion by Tyler Wroldsen

 

Long time ago when there were no mirrors, it was really hard pointing out whether another person were ugly or beautiful. That was because no one really knew how he looked himself. When you don’t know how your own face looks, then it becomes difficult to judge another person’s appearance. The invention of mirrors, brought us the most dangerous concepts to our existence, beauty and ugliness.                                                 

    I still remember that day in high school when one naughty boy from our class wrote all the names of the ugliest girls in our school on the chalkboard. It was a terrible thing isn’t it? Just imagine walking into the classroom and find your name written on the board. And on top of it there is headline saying you are the ugliest. You might feel offended and alienated after all, especially when you care a lot about what other people think about you. I think such kinds of classifications should totally be forbidden in our societies because they are futile and false.                                                                                          

    When mirrors came into existence, we now started figuring out our self-image and started comparing it to those of people around us. That image of ourselves that we see in the mirror, over a long period of time, we fall in love with it more than anything else. Then we treat it like the ideal person and we start to expect everyone to be shaped that way. Our own images become a gold standard against which we compare everyone that we see.                                                                                                                                   

    Now here comes the bias, when we see people with completely different facial features from ours or different from those of people around us, we call them ugly or beautiful. Over time we develop a mental abstract image of our ideal self: the person that we should be rather than whom we currently are in terms of appearance. When you see someone who looks similar to your ideal self, you start calling them beautiful and vice versa. So far I have never heard anyone saying he or she is ugly. So beauty is not just a perspective, it is an illusion. That is why you find people disagreeing whether something is beautiful or not. Beauty does not exist, all our skins are made up of stratified keratinized epithelial tissue.

Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection

Two  men were strutting along the country side. They were friends but they were complete opposites of each other. One man was a coward yet the other was courageous and confident. But fortunately they all had one thing in common. The two men were all in their mid forties and none had a wife. They were all single but living the bachelor life was not a cup of tea to the duo. As they were walking in their village, they caught a glimpse of two women collecting firewood

"Let's go and propose to those two beauties over there?" Said the confident man

"No what if they reject us ? let's not accommodate rejection at all. I am not going there, I am going home. I don't think they will accept us even. Just go alone!" murmured the cowardice man.

"You Know what my friend, fears are nothing more than a state of mind. rejection is a normal thing and you don't have control over it. and know that cowards die many times before their death dates!" The confident man pontificated  and went over to the women who were busy collecting fire wood. The coward went home instead of following the confident man's advice.

Ten days later, the cowardice man went to the local pub in the evening and found his friend walking holding hands with a gorgeous, voluptuous woman.

Fast or Properly? By Tyler Wroldsen

Do you believe in love at first sight?

For us to have good relationships, we need to be committed and invest our time or our energy into them, for things to work out. There is unhealthy love and healthy love.

Unhealthy love - Two people using their emotions for each other to escape from reality

Healthy love - Two people helping each other become better people. They both support one another and they understand and trust each other. They have similar values but they can have different interests from one another

Don't fall in love too fast, because good things don't come by falling. relationships shouldn't be one sided liabilities, everybody is responsible and accountable to make things go well. There is nothing like the person who was meant to be. How long have you been waiting for Mr. Right or Mrs. Right? I tell you mister if you are waiting for something like that, then you will wait forever. Know that with proper help and guidance your partner can become a better person and the relationship will keep on improving.

In  a relationship, you will always encounter problems and it you have the responsibility and accountability to solve them instead of ending the relationship. Stop running around, moving from  partner to partner, hoping you will find the right person, Get committed to one person and then you will find happiness and freedom. You are the one to change for things to work out.

Good luck!

7 secrets of HAPPINESS (Steal this)

The anxiety brought by Social Media

Why social media is a new source of anxiety,stress and depression

                  By Tyler Wroldsen

Many folks have become obsessed to social media like nothing. It has now become a daily routine to update people on our current situations each and everyday, for example when you buy a new car or new clothes etc.  you take pictures and put on Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp or whatever social media platform. But we looked closely how social media is our minor source fun and pleasure but ironically to a large extend it our major source of stress,anxiety and depression.

Most of the time we post our personal info on social media because we want approval of the world and validation from the public. Anxiety and depression comes in when in when the public show no approval of you or validate you in the way that you did not expect. For example lets say you post a nice photo of you wearing new clothes on Facebook and nobody likes it or no body comments, you will be sulking all day and you will be thinking that people do not like or something and that will obviously depress you after all. More-so, there is a lot of negativity on social media, someone will post something negative about you and a fiasco will obviously arise and bonds will be broken. And that will stress for some days because you are at loggerheads with someone.

I suggest, we need to learn to use social media in a more beneficial way. like for educational purpose ,business, advertisement etc rather than as means of showing off and a tool for ostentation.so lets not use social media for validation and approval of the public because that just makes you weak and insecure.

The Art of Emotional intelligence

By Tyler Wroldsen

 Definition 

By simple definition emotional intelligence is the person's ability to manage his feelings so that those feelings are expressed appropriately and effectively.it has to do with understanding how you feel at each point in time and also being aware of how other people feel and the reason they feel that way, and then ultimately you have to steer your emotions in a positive direction for the greatest good of both parties(you and people around you). It is the most important type of intelligence that every one needs to have in order to live in a world with optimum peace, harmony and success.

The Two minds

Every human being has two minds,yes you heard that right! they are; the emotional mind and the logical mind. The emotional mind is obviously responsible for feeling,or to put it bluntly, it is the one that generates our emotions each and every time. our emotions are mainly controlled by a part of our brain called the amygdala. The amygdala is the emotional sentinel in the human brain, it triggers emotional outbursts, such as an emotional outburst of anger, happiness and others. The logical mind is responsible for reasoning, it is the one that gives motives for our actions. the main part of the brain responsible for reasoning is call the neocortex. Now here is the think, when you are a making a decision, both o these minds may influence the decision equally or one of them may predominate. when only one of the two minds predominate, a bad decision is usualy made, that is why we always end regretting when we over react. 

Before evolution

 When we were living in the jungle, our emotional mind was more important than the logical mind because it was very dangerous in the veld, and lets say you see a lion, you don't need to reason or something or you have to do is use your emotional mind and run for your safety. and our emotional mind was very negative at that moment, because for anything that you see, you had to perceive it as 10 times more dangerous that it actually was.

Today 

nowadays the world is safe and we need to use our logical mind and our emotional mind equally well to make a very excellent decision in any circumstance  we find ourselves in. you don't just need to feel but you have to reason as well before taking any action. for example, lets say your friend has gone out and went with your keys without communicating with and when you try to reach him he is not peaking up his phone! pretty  tough right! You have to feel dejected but you also need to understand that there is a good reason why it happened that way, maybe your friend got sick and he was rushed to the hospital or he has probably lost the keys and he is deeply searching for them.

Dealing with emotions 

when ever you are preoccupied with one certain kind of feeling predominating your mind, the first thing you need to do is to be aware why you are feeling that way and how you can change your feeling to lead in a positive direction. Same applies, when ever you are angry with someone or very happy with someone or vice versa, you first need to understand why they are feeling the way the feel, if you are failing figure out why ask them and if they don't want to tell you, you have to make an intelligent guess or know that it is none of your business.

Conclusion 

Understanding and managing emotions is way to succeed in life. most successful people are emotionally intelligent. Academic intelligence has nothing to do with emotional intelligence because those are not intertwined. So don't overreact and be slow to get overjoyed or dejected and know the reason why you feel that way. Take the actions that will lead you in positive direction!